This ordeal is far much more frustrating than what you read,hear about, you don’t know how quickly you get hooked in it and before it hits you,it either you have done more harm to yourself than good.I thank everyone who showed me their love, support, those of you who gave me a shoulder to lean on, God bless you,those who made me realise that not all was lost,those that made me trust myself again those who encouraged me during those tough dark moments when I was totally rock bottom, they never got tired, always assuring, Allan, it is possible, you know what! that jersey you used to dawn and that number that you used to play,if you can make a come back,make that “U” turn , that little room for adjustment,it is still yours,it has always belonged to you,no doubt about it. anyway, earlier On someone highlighted my story ,but I felt duped, I felt like that was mean, what he/ she wrote was a version of my story,today I must say Iam privileged to be on this platform,for the very first time taking that responsibility to tell you my story as the first persona non Grata,as it is, yet it is more familiar to me than to anyone else.
Addiction is the act of depending on,rely on,you have to lean on something, without which you cannot function as a Normal human being ,which is a big misconception if you asked me why?It is an imaginary bar of belief with no supportive proof, that i set for myself unknowingly, I went as far as lieing to myself making my brain to accept lies , made it a habit, then transformed it into a behaviour ,at first it was fascinating,I almost believed it was magic only to realise later that that wasn’t the case,I count myself fortunate because in the nick of time, someone human enough,was touched and with compassion took an initiative to extend help to me , otherwise it would have ended up tragic, indeed it was the hand of God.
I will highlight on my encounter ,as I got the realisation that in life we have been given alternatives, just like in the field of medicine,there is always a plan b to look at life and make a decision,most of the times a good percentage of us make poor decisions and just a bunch of us make good decisions, some are quick to learn,some learn later on,and some don’t learn, I have come to the realisation that no one reaches out to us , no one cares about our fate,our dreams our conditions ,instead you condemn us ,judge us harshly, but I would beg that you find time,find a place in your heart listen to us and share in our pains there is so much that meets the eye. sounds weird, but that is the way it is, as for me I had friends who would facilitate my expeditions ,they are not good friends I learnt later on when I lost my job,they are your friends “only”when you are in employment once you are fired they too fire you,but there is also another group , whether you are in employment or not they will buy you whatever you want, they make you forget your problems,forget your dreams,this are sadist they want you out of their way because they are scared of you,they cannot match your genius, talent,and I discovered another unique thing, 90 percent of guys in addiction any form of addiction are brilliant sharp people, it’s only that there is something bothering us that is why we keep running away looking for solace somewhere ,I thought that if I got too high I would forget my situation but it was once the following day ,and this would lead to take something more in terms of alcohol content,this was my routine day in day out,it was my way of life.
Practice makes perfect as the saying goes, I started changing brands in search to finding my high,I lost passion in my job,lost interest in life generally,I reached a certain point that I could not do without alcohol,any slightest opportunity that I got I could sneak out a take a quick shot and with that I felt relieved, nothing mattered anymore but my drink was so precious when nothing was forthcoming.
Alcoholism ate away my passion,I could find nothing of importance whatsoever to substitute over my situation,After I lost my job, this was after willingly accepting to do someone’s else shift while I was high it made get fired, I made a horrible decision that send me packing. More problems more liquor to keep my fears at bay, luckily I got a job in western Kenya, worked there briefly, I wasn’t a heavy drinker but I couldn’t do without alcohol, after a short stint at Bungoma I was called for an interview I got a new job, but My drinking problem couldn’t change, it affected my performance greately, something that slowly but gradually getting out of control.
But thanks heavens I have come to discover that my addiction is just a disease just like any other disease i.e cancer, diabetes,high blood pressure,HIV/ aids, leukemia etc, it can be treated and cured too, I have also learnt of other forms of addiction s that we are victims to unknowingly,Let us have the easiest example, work , majority of us work tirelessly ,we adore our work more than anything else,we do give our exemplary best,working tirelessly to attain or achieve a particular goal in life, it becomes the normal over a period of time and without realising we end up becoming addicted to our work , or addicted to a certain habit that you have done countless times and it is like part of your life, you have made the centre of purpose, everything revolves around it, I ended up forgetting my responsibilities ,I almost forget about my family,i hated myself ,I didn’t everything wrecklessly nothing mattered to me anymore, something I did that I would not wake up alive again,it was an agonizing period of misery ,hatred and pain, it started taking a tall order on me,my health was deteriorating I could barely eat, I suddenly became anxious over nothing in particular.
Iam talking from a point of reference, I have struggled a tough battle with alcoholism,and it is the middle of this turmoil and torture that someone reached out for me,we had a long discussion and eventually i accepted I was powerless over my addiction and I was willing to go to a rehab center,but it was an easy decision, here ism a public figure what will people say,but I made a decision, it was all about me,I spent Monty days at the rehab center came out clean,as I mentioned earlier, addiction is a cunning enemy,so I find myself back in my drinking, because after rehab things got more worse than before,my experience is the fallback, what kind of support we give to us from the rehab is vital, remember we are on the road to recovery, there is dire need for encouragement,the family support and someone to walk the journey with you. walk
Looking back at where we are and the far we have come, statistics won’t lie, we have lost many lives through sheer negligence of substance use and alcoholism, so many lives have been lost innocently, graveyards are a testimony to this,many promising talents have succumbed to this menace robbing the world of valuable,talented,creative,industrious big minds that would have otherwise revolutionalised the world in a way that every person dreams of. Time over time has been regarded as the best healer, but when it comes to substance use and abuse, alcoholism the first cure is in the person using it,he is his or her own cure, it is all about finding your north, it’s not easy,but we should not give up, telling and narrating the truth whenever this subject is presented for discussion,I know it is hard in telling the truth in this world of entertainment and for the massive profits that they come along with it, but at the back of our mind let’s not be ignorant of the fragile human core at the centre of all of us,as an alcoholic,as a substance user,there comes times that you are petrified of feelings, when fear of failure holds you back,in those moments,there is only one truth that is easy to forget,you don’t actually know that you will fail, it is a moment to cheerish that great gift from childhood to know what you LOVE most,some of us are lucky to have wonderful supportive parents, brothers, sisters, in-laws, cousins, nephews and nieces ,and best of friends,who encourage and inspire us in our journey to freedom , the freedom of loneliness ,pain and anguish,they motivate you, constantly assuring you that better is yet to come,let’s believe in us, nothing good comes easy every good is worth a single struggle.
Many at times I was on the verge of quitting,nothing made sense, nothing mattered,life did not have a meaning there was no purpose in life itself, all hope was gone drained out of me,but in the midst of all this I resolved to listen to a voice from within, that very powerful and convicting voice, each of us has the ability and power to hear to that familiar voice that tries to reach out for us,that voice of you calling from deep from your consciousness, it’s magical,it is real my friend,and in that moment all you need to do is offer yourself acceptance ,it is the worthy rewarding antidote you can give you, to all your pains and sufferings, in that particular,peculiar moment, realising deep inside that you have the power to overcome, believing that yes! It is me, I have been through the storms of life and unless I accept who Iam I need to get to the other side of my pain, for its too much to stay in pain and miserly that long,it is so humiliating,it is unbearable, something had to be done real fast, I knew inside that it will have its own rewards I decided I Will use me,allowing myself my freedom from my captivativity,it was painful but I purposed not to stop until work is done,it is in that moment of dilemma that you come to realization of the true you, you confirm your look in the mirror if it is indeed you, the image confirms back to you that that is the true you but not another version of you,I realised to love me , very important, something that I don’t hate, something that i will not regret, embedded ,embraced in me, and in my moment of finding me,I discovered that there was something else ,you are not doing it for you but for the friends who have not yet found their north, be the change that the world has been waiting for.
Ladies and gentlemen I would urge all of us not to label anyone of alcoholism or substance use, let us change the narrative,do not condemn instead encourage,there has never been wasted time,it is called experience,it is through my repeated failures that I discovered this school of excellence,and this experience will go along way in inspiring many people and changing their lives,going forward carry this positive message, be part of not the initiator of continuing with this conversation in our work places,a conversation that our employers would listen and redeem that which would have been lost, for failure is not final,I’m looking forward to a conversation that brings on board all the stake holders,I’m praying and hoping that the school administrators will embrace, that this message will shake the core of their intellect, let us exercise positive discipline,using an example of a young kid refusing to put on a pullover when it’s cold and she wants to go out with friends ,yes she /he will not be allowed to go out, but you encourage him /her to play a different game altogether and in the end you achieve a very positive impact on the child instead of punishment.
I know you might be in the dark as at now,but count yourself lucky for having the time to be reading this article now,just know deep inside of you that you owe the world something, despite your horrible situation,you have a duty to perform and obligation, you must rise to the occasion and make it count,try so hard ,so that at the end you will be part of that extra ordinary contribution ,by the virtue of accepting defeat , that your inner power is ignited again,do what the rest are not doing speak victory over your situation, forget the ney sayers ,those that praise you for non achievement,they are there ,they will always be there, they will have to have something to say but look, it’s not about them it is about your life and the people around you
It reaches that moment in time ,when it feels like your pain doesn’t have a point,true strength doesn’t come when you hide your weaknesses,true strength comes when you accept your weaknesses,you remain the author of of your last book in life,you have all that it takes,start working on yourself today, you won’t believe what is waiting on you on the other side of your pain, don’t follow the usual path create a new path, don’t wish or want to postpone,I mean today is your day don’t push it over, do not procastinate ,it is a form of fear that is with us , and you know what, it is very difficult to acknowledge fear,you cannot create anything of value without self doubt and self belief, without self doubt you become complesant , without self belief you cannot win ,you need both, it’s either you are against the world,or the world against you ,choose you now, Oliver Poet once said”whoever you are ,no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination”.